Here are three guaranteed ways to discourage lay ministers: 1. Give them an assignment, and then take it back because they aren't doing it your way or because you are anxious. 2. Ignore their work as if it were trivial. 3. Allow leaders to become buried in "background noise" from those who natter, gossip, and complain. The first is easy to correct. As the saying goes: Don't ask the question if you can't stand the answer. Don't give people work to do if you cannot trust them to follow through.
Here are three guaranteed ways to discourage lay ministers: 1. Give them an assignment, and then take it back because they aren't doing it your way or because you are anxious. 2. Ignore their work as if it were trivial. 3. Allow leaders to become buried in "background noise" from those who natter, gossip, and complain. The first is easy to correct. As the saying goes: Don't ask the question if you can't stand the answer. Don't give people work to do if you cannot trust them to follow through. When lay leaders start on a project, they need to have a clear assignment and to know their clergy and top lay leaders trust them to handle it. Accountability can come later. The second has to do with showing basic respect. Some church tasks are more demanding and more important than others. But each one matters, and the persons who agree to do them need to have their efforts taken seriously. I don't think lay ministers expect applause or plaques, but they do expect to have their work noticed and honored. The third matter, which I call "background noise," is complex. I have seen too many good-hearted lay leaders convene a meeting and immediately receive a broadside of unresolved issues, threats to leave, and passive-aggressive feints such as, "I'm not alone in feeling this way," "I've been here a long time, and I hear what people are saying." If it were possible to diagram such exchanges, you would usually find that each person has been reading his or her script for years. Every group they join finds itself embroiled in their unresolved issues. Leaders need to be trained in how to handle such paralyzing noise. First, while many complaints, concerns, issues, and comments are legitimate and fresh, it is possible to recognize stale noise. Leaders should compare notes on what people are saying, so that patterns of group abuse can be recognized. Telltale phrases like "a lot of us" usually indicate a solitary complainer trying to manipulate. Second, a non-anxious leader can hear, take notes, and then continue on with the group's stated agenda. Third, the leader can draw out those who aren't making noise, so that their views enter the discussion and, in all likelihood, the noise can be heard for what it is. Finally, leaders have a duty to enforce group norms. Noise that seeks to dominate or to manipulate isn't an acceptable group behavior. Tom Ehrich is a writer, consultant, and leader of workshops. An Episcopal priest, he lives in Durham, N.C. The church wellness project may be found at www.churchwellness.com
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